Ashe Writes | When You Date The Guy Your Friends Warned You About
They told you to follow your heart and so you did exactly that. So when your friends start telling you to prepare for the storm you knit your brows and ask them what it meant.
You think you
hit the storm when you start dating him. It was a slow spin at first, the same
way the wind waltzes in a gentle haze as he takes you out for coffee every other
afternoon and holds your hand as you walk, picking up speed as you count the
roses he sends you, before it hits a crescendo, mirroring that tempest in your
heart as his kisses sweep you off your feet and into the gray sky.
And you think
you know what you’re getting into, as you muffle the voices in your head that
sound oddly like your best friends’, telling you to get out while you still
can.
So when the
real storm hits you’re caught completely unprepared and off-guard and, ironically, almost mockingly, it
starts out the same way. It was a slow but steady tempo in your chest as he starts
keeping his phone close by, his face causally wary as you occasionally peek at
the screen, when he suddenly has to work weekends and no, he can’t make it to
dinner tonight, he’s got plans and you don’t have to wait up. And it builds
rhythm as your friends keep telling you what they’ve always told you – to stay
away because this is going to be messy, but you stay anyway.
The climax
hits when he stops answering your calls and ignores your texts and you realize
it’s been weeks since you last saw each other and who’s that girl he’s with on Facebook?
You feel the
ground tremble as thunder claps and as he dodges your attempts to make it work
with his ‘It’s not you; it’s me’ bullshit
and he’s ‘just not ready for a commitment yet’. He’ll tell you that you’ve
changed, that he’s looking for something else, and how everything just feels
too perfect with you. And he just like the storm he leaves you among the
wreckage and rubble, nothing more than discarded bits and pieces of what you
used to be.
And you blame
yourself because ‘How could you be so
stupid?’ your friends chime at you over the countless bottles of wine
you’ve consumed, the unavoidable end result of your soiree. You couldn’t hear
anything else over the thump of the speakers in the club and the empty chatter
ringing your ears, and numbly you ask yourself why did you allow yourself to be so stupid?
(You’ve gone
through how many bottles already? Was it just your mind playing tricks on you,
the same way his words obscured your sense of reason and dampened your better
judgment?)
You find
yourself thinking up scenarios, the could-haves and the should-haves, wondering
what would have happened if things went a different way. Maybe if you had been
a little wilder, a little less reserved, or if you had worn less make up. Maybe, maybe, he would have stayed. You could
spend forever counting all the maybes because it’s all you have left, while
he’s running around with another girl no wiser than you, gearing up to stir
another tumult while uncaringly leaving a debris of broken hearts in his wake.
You can be
any of these, but whatever you do, don’t ever blame yourself. For inasmuch as
it was your choice to ride with the storm, it was his choice to leave you in
pieces. Remember that it was his choice to break your heart and waste your
trust, that it was his choice to be blind to your worth.
Don’t ever
blame yourself for believing in love, for giving the relationship, and him, a
chance.
So when you
find yourself crossing paths and all you want to do is to avoid eye contact and
go the other way, I want you to do the exact opposite. Stand straight, hold
your head high and look at him dead in the eye as you walk by. Let him know he
didn’t break you completely (and he tried, oh he tried). Let him know that
you’re stronger than he or you thought. Let him know that you’re being the
bigger person here, because you still have a shot at happiness while he
continues his empty existence endlessly chasing skirts.
Don’t ever
blame yourself, because they told you to follow your heart and so you did
exactly that.
This is an experimental piece I decided to put up. I was thinking of changing writing styles but it proved to be much more challenging than I thought. I'm not sure how to feel about the end result though.
How do you like it?
4 comments
You write so well! Its very emotional and raw. You translated your feelings into words so skillfully!
ReplyDeleteHello Jeanne, thank you so much for reading!
DeleteThis is phenomenal. Breathtaking writing style! I felt all the hurt and pain while reading. There is so much to comment about how you used contrasting ideas effectively. This is lovely, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi, thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate comments like this. ♥
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